Listening To Abridged Books In The Bath......As You Do.

Hello there. Hope you're feeling well today.

Regular readers to this blog (and thank you for that) will know of my love for baths over showers. You also might remember that as I'm cleansing my Adonis like body (the only alternative fact in this post) I like listening to programmes downloaded on the BBC radio iplayer. You might even recall that this scenario was mentioned because I was attacking the writer Julian Barnes for not understanding the nature of supporting a football team.

Well been starting to listen in the bath to abridged books that were broadcast across the week on BBC Radio 4 and 4 Extra in roughly thirteen minute chunks, using each programme as a sort of literary stopwatch. When each episode begins I'm in the bath and when it finishes I Adonisly get out of it.

I'm not sure whether if it wasn't for the combination of the BBC radio iplayer and the bath I would've been listening to abridged books. But there we are. Opposites attract.

Recently I've been listening to Age Of Anger by Pankaj Mishra which quite brilliantly dissects the swirl of nationalism affecting the world today. Currently I'm going through Death of the Poets by Michael Symmons Roberts and Paul Farley which explores the notion of "the doomed poet" and is fascinating even for me, someone whose poetry reading experience is limited.

But (and there is always a but), you'd have noticed that these abridged books are non fiction as most my downloads are. There is a reason for that. With abridged non fiction whilst you know you're not getting everything there is still the feeling that something has been gained. With fiction however, be it an emotion, a descriptive passage or even the possible disappearance of a minor character that feeling for me is that something, possibly important, is missing. And so the experience leaves me unsatisfied.

(Of course when talking about fiction here I'm referring to the novel. Short stories are obviously different. I've downloaded the first in a series of Anton Chekhov tales read by Alistair McGowan. To be honest of the stories I've read Chekhov is a writer I'm very Switzerland towards and am wondering whether listening to them will make any difference)

You may ask why I don't go the whole hog and get an audiobook of an entire novel? Two reasons. Firstly they are surprisingly expensive. If you didn't want to be tied into buying at least one a month (and I don't) an audiobook seems to cost about the same price as a TV series boxset for reasons that I don't understand.

But secondly what these abridgements provide is a way to ease my brain into the day as I'm making myself clean. They act like a first cup of tea to my mind. Why change something that works?

So thank you BBC Radio 4/4Extra till we meet again in the bathroom tomorrow....no peeking mind.

Until the next time.

The Writer As Chatty Friend And Vanity Would Like Me To Think I Made Tesco Act

Hello there. Hope you're feeling well today.

Sometimes you read a book not to make you inspired, put you on a different level or even make you entertained. Sometimes you just want to be reading a book because the writer is the sort of person you consider a friend even though you've never met. Sue Townsend is that sort of writer and so is the humorist Alan Coren.

I didn't have the greatest of Christmases last year for reasons that are too personal and complex to explain. So on Christmas Day I'd decided to download a book that would make smile. How I got to Chocolate and Cuckoo Clocks:The Essential Alan Coren from his many articles chosen by his children I don't know but it was downloaded immdiately onto my Kindle (yes I know a Kindle but be fair it was Christmas Day)

(A quick digression I thought that one of the advantages of the Kindle was that an author's entire canon is put up immediately online but apparently not. There is only one other Alan Coren book you can get via the E Reader. And he's not the only one).

Anyway I loved Chocolate and Cuckoo Clocks if only because it made me smile.

Fast forward a few months ago and BBC Radio 4 Extra were broadcasting a selection of programmes about arguably Britain's greatest humorist. And it made me stalk through the literary rainforest of the Amazon where I bought A Year In Cricklewood.

This book, modelled on the bestseller at the the time A Year In Provence by Peter Mayle (a sort of "aren't foreigners funny but I love them really" thing only a certain sort of Englishman could write) basically goes through the events that occur to him during the year. Cricklewood is obviously the star, but there are moments when France is centre stage. Apparently he was a Francophile whilst still being resolutely English. A skill that should be applauded in the little Englander dark ages we live in now.

As I read. The picture I got was Alan Coren in your house chatting over a cuppa and biscuits about the events of the day. You are The Listener (also the name of a magazine he edited) to tales such as a French beauty contest to difficulties in getting medicine for his unwell daughter late at night. When you close the book it's as if you've waved him goodnight as he drives home.

I think you get the message that I loved it. So much so that the Amazon literary rainforest has been raided again and I've ordered Toujours Cricklewood. I'll get the tea ready when it comes.

If you're a regular reader of this blog you will be aware of my bugbear of official England football team toy figures being sold in Tesco,Bridgend South WALES. Well today I can tell you they're gone. Hopefully not moved somewhere else but actually gone. I'd tweeted Tesco about this stupid state of affairs and I'm not modest enough to hope that I was the one that caused it to be taken off Tesco stores (along with apparently Marmite and Pot Noodle but not claiming responsibility for that!). Perhaps in the future firms should treat their customers with respect not mockery.

Until the next time.