Bridgend To Epping And Back By Car,Radio Roulette and Amnesia

Hello there. Hope you're feeling well today.

When I was about nine or ten although I listened to programmes from other channels my favourite radio station was the BBC World Service. At the time, certainly when listening in Britain anyway, it was a mixture of all other national BBC channels at that time plus some programmes it made itself. So you could listen to drama, comedy,sport, various types of music and of course news all on one channel.

It was that mixture I liked. Unfortunately it has now become a glorified news channel and I rarely listen to it.

Nowadays although generally go for particular type of stations (Classical music) or particular programmes (comedy/sport) can't say there's a consistent first amongst equals with regard to what I listen to.

I'm going on about all of this so you can understand my listening taste. Now I'm going to explain the game I play when travelling from South Wales to where my mother lives near Epping in Essex to relieve any signs of boredom.

There are moments through the year where I travel to Essex to see my mother. A journey which, on a good day, takes about three and a half hours (an hour of which, to be all South East Commutery about it, is on the M25). So it's a long journey and no matter who's travelling with you can get rather dull.

So exactly when I stumbled on this idea I can't remember but it occurred to me that I might liven the journey up by pressing search on the FM search dial on the car every time a junction on the motorway (M4,M25 and M11) is passed. Some I'll like some I'll hate hence radio roulette.

So my daughter is spending a week with my mother wandering around the sights of London. Monday I drove her there. Firing up my Kia Picanto we left at eleven that morning.

It started with that comfy sofa of daytime radio Radio 2, Ken Bruce to be precise. Soon it drifted to Radios 3 and 4 before getting to Heart FM.

I used to have to listen to Heart FM when I was at work. It was, too bright,too happy, too much of the same songs over and over again, too many commercials and too many DJs where you wondered if they had a mental age of just having left junior school (Jason Harrold and Margherita Taylor excepted). Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now is not a song that you would expect on a Heart FM playlist but an adequate description of my emotions when I hear that station.

It's closest commercial competitor is Absolute Radio which is what I listen to at work now. Whilst some of its music is too young for me it's far better than Heart because you feel it's presented by adults.

Heart basically has national programmes intermixed with local programmes, with news and commercials. One of these commercials was for Trade Centre Wales advertising for "Vehicle Technicians". Isn't that otherwise known as "Mechanics"? Now nothing against mechanics, indeed it's an ability I wish I possessed, but I've an old man's irritation when reasonable words are changed at the whim of a branding consultant (Logistics for deliveries and so on). Indeed on the way back there was a new example to annoy me. A lorry proudly displayed the words "Horseshoe Distribution". Why don't you say that you deliver horseshoes?

And to finish off the grumpy old man segment of this post. The back part of a Eddie Stobart lorry in Essex had an ad for London Southend airport which advertises a "new faster terminal". Really? A building that can challenge Mr Bolt for the next olympics? Or perhaps they should have said "new faster check-in?

The radio moves to BBC Radio Cymru. A man is singing. This arouses the attention of my daughter.

"Is that the Go Compare guy?"

I don't know and as we pass through the next junction I still don't. However a few junctions along we get to BBC Radio Wales. The "Go Compare" guy is talking about tourist guides. My daughter cannot believe it. I tell her to go compare the song and the guy speaking now. She's not impressed in that teenage "Dad don't be stupid "manner.

BBC Radio Bristol follows just headlines, BBC Radio Somerset with a temporary presenter who tells us that she might be there and she might be not and BBC Radio Wiltshire with a presenter who advises that there's a series on badges.

A guy like me who collects bookmarks,football shirts and Penguin paperbacks is not going mock collectors of badges. It did occur to me though that I can't recall someone wearing a badge that had nothing to do with their work or a milestone age for a long time now.

Wish I could say that there was any other memorable things going but alas no, So we move to Tuesday. and my journey home.

It begins at around 9:40am with BBC Radio 3 the classical music station, There's a quiz as to guess a particular city, There are three clues. One of which is Inspector Morse deals with his cases there. Who says the BBC is dumbing down? I laugh mockingly as I go to the petrol station and fill up on the journey.

Down the M11 listening to BBC Radio 4 discussing the life of a woman under Chinese rule. As I turn to the M25 that changes to a rap song which has the line which roughly sounded like "In the living room I see you there, standing in your underwear".

That's Capital FM which to be fair like Kiss 100 or BBC Radio 1 has an audience which does not have me in mind and if I play a little game and listen to music far too young for me that's my problem.

And speaking of problems as I begin to crawl along the M25 when it reverts to cliche. For a moment nothing is moving. Perfect time then for someone to knock on my window.

"Your petrol cap is out" the man kindly informs me, For about an hour then the petrol cap has been swaying along with a lead attached to a car and didn't drop out. A tribute to South Korean engineering and my stupidity. The good samiritan putsthe petrol cap back in.To that man this idiot thanks you.

Mind you it didn't affect the traffic at that moment. There were times such as then where the speed limit was 40 Mph and I would have been grateful to have reached that. Noticed a sign to encourage a new Heathrow extension as I was approaching the M4. Does strike me that if you can't sort out the traffic then it really doesn't seem like a good idea.

One final mention of BBC Radio 4. There came a moment where I was listening to a discussion on the Spanish film director Pedro Almodovar and the accusations that he is a misogynist. A woman responded by saying that his female characters were "cooks" and "creative". Went on by arguing that as a particular character in the film develops she "feels herself". The film buff in me would've nodded appreciatively. However the film buff in me does not exist, though the teenage boy in me was laughing his head off.

Early along the M4 I caught BBC Radio Berkshire. The male host, whose name I didn't catch was interviewing a guy who is or perhaps was an army medic. He actually asked his guest whether he's experienced dealing with situations whilst at war. Changed channels at this point. Later the same man asked a different guest whether lifebelts along canal paths were ever used (spoiler alert:yes) and advised as if delivering new information that the Home guard was a serious organisation, Good to know.

IAnd there was Heart FM again. On one occasion the DJ, Toby Stephens said that after the break it would be Toploader. Now even I who is not a music buff as well as lacking in the film buffery department knows Toploader's only hit. Passed through a junction. Thought I'd missed it as was listening to BBC Radio Wiltshire talking about getting a job. However should be so lucky and soon another junction was passed and I was dancing in the moonlight.

By the time the junction to Chippenham was reached I could catch BBC Radio Wales. I like this station and it's Welsh language equivalent BBC Radio Cymru if only because it's programming mixture makes them the closest to what the BBC World Service used to be like. It also meant, much as I will always try to defend London and Essex, that I was near home.

Until the next time.