Hello there. Hope you're feeling well today.
Whatever my attributes in life, and that is for others to judge, one thing that I would have to accept is that I am useless in turning my hand (or rather both of them) to DIY.
There are two reasons for this. One is my sheer natural talent for laziness, which if I believed in a deiety I'd consider god given. The silver medal at least for slothness should be my reward for a lifetime of dedication to the craft.
The other though lies in history. My father, a man who if I reach half his talents and inate goodness would make me a great person indeed worked as a painter and decorator. Although a pleasant enough job in the summer as soon as the seasons went darker it also turned much colder. Many of the houses/offices he worked in did not have any heating and I would remember as a child he would come home with his skin feeling like ice.
The point is that was the reason I was never encouraged to take up any trade as he wanted me to work somewhere permantly warm. So a basic knowledge of painting,plumbing etc passed me by. I'd be lying though if I said I really cared for it anyway..
Relatively recently the wife (with the support of our daughter) has said she wants to move to Penarth to be closer to her work and family. The forty minute early morning journeys were also beginning to wear her out.
Although perfectdly happy where we are now,I owe her more than she will ever realise and so as long as there are no financial issues I'm not going to stand in her way.
The estate agent was called to put an estimate on the house and advise us on any improvements. Estimate she did. Advise she did. And one of the pieces of estately advice she gave was to deal with the question of the locked door. And when I say "deal" I mean "get it unlocked".
It is a door leading from the kitchen to the dining room,or vice versa. To get to either room now you would have go through the hall and through the living ...or vice versa. This is what is called a suburban inconvinience.
It had become "locked" a few months back when in a fit of teenage exuburance our daughter slammed the door only to find that it would not open again. I tried at the time to deal with it but to no avail and we all just shrugged our shoulders and ignored it. After all in suburbia a dining room is the most rarely used place in the house. Just really a place for show.
Now however the future of the South Walian property chain appears to hang on this door. So there is the need to try and unlock it again. A suburban inconvinience had changed into a suburban crisis.
Now the mystery is this. It should not lock. There are no titanium bolts to a top security kitchen (trust me if there were any secrets we'd sell them to the highest bidder.....for charity of course), or any antique dining room table that some millionire collector is pining for. It's just a door that should open and close through the use of that revolutionary of objects, a handle.
But locked it is, A suburban inconvinience has changed into a suburban crisis wrapped in a suburban mystery.
So try and solve it I did.I brought in tools from the garage. Tools that are rarely used in a garage mainly frequented to take out stuff from a freezer. But still the illusion of me as man of artisan action had begun.
I began by unscrewing the door handles. The handles coneccted to a horizontal metal thing that was locking the door. There is a hole in the middle to link it to another metal thing where the door handles connect together when turned. Yet though that bit turns, crucially the horizontal metal thing to the door doesn't.
This I think is part of Doors for Dummies
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| The Mysterious White Door - After I Took The Handles Off |
I squirt the magic Potteresque spray that is WD-40 at every possible crevice in the inside of this door. Forgotten to do this the last time. Worked when the garden door got rusty.
Not this time.
I tried butter....that didn't work. Indeed if anybody was in the room at the time they would have probably been rolling around in laughter and would have mocked me by asking for toast.
I resorted to trying to pull the horizontal metal thingy with pliers. That thing should move easily when prompted. That's how unlocked doors work.
Not this time.
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| The tools of the trade....just not mine |
Eventually I gave up. Two hours of blood sweat spray and butter resulted in absolutely nothing. Zip. Nada.Besides the football was on.
Will have to call an expert.
I am man. See me fail.
Until the next time.
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