The Near Midnight Meanderings On A Movie With A Microwave Meal Part 7: Pistol Whipped (2008)

Hello there. Hope you're feeling well today.

It's funny how some of  the movies I'm getting to watch in this random choice for this occasional chat seem connected. After all we have had two James Stewart movies and now we're on our second Steven Seagal.

Here though his presence is dominates the screen as usual. For what we see is fat Steven Seagal. Steven Seagal with a double chin. Other actors in this film are lucky to be noticed for he puts a whole new meaning to the word widescreen.

Now you might accuse me of bring hypocritical. I've never hidden that I'm not exactly slim in the body department either. But I've never been an actor in an action movie. And, more crucially I've never been an fat actor in an action movie beating off bad guys a lot of whom are old enough to be my grandson.

In one fight scene an Asian bad guy attempts to use martial arts to beat Seagal. What does Michelin Man do? He pushes him off with his paunch

Fighting aside Seagal's character is not perfect. Drummed off the police for suspicion of being dirty, divorced, a drunk, a gambler. A bad gambler at that. He has debts. Those debts are taken by a shadowy government department. We know it's shadowy because for a lot of the movie the face of it's boss is in shadows.

To honour his debts Segal has to kill bad guys that justice somehow couldn't reach. There essentially you have the plot. He tails these bad guys. He tails these bad guys with a Range Rover and his stomach. Yet their security guys still don't notice him. Perhaps they should borrow my glasses.

This movie seems to shot through fifty shades of grim grey. I literally mean the colour. Perhaps they couldn't afford, I don't know, lighting.

Oh and one other thing about the so called plot. The big reveal is not a surprise. It was as obvious as the arrival of a carnival from around a corner.

It's such a bad film that I suspect it went straight to  DVD Bargain basement. I did wonder whether if Steven Seagal from Under Siege had played it I'd have liked it better. The answer is no. For whilst it would be still rubbish it just wouldn't be as funny.

Until the next time.