The Near Midnight MLS Meanderings Over A Microwave Meal Part 4: Columbus Crew vs New England Revolution

Hello there. Hope you're feeling well today.

We have met the Columbus Crew before in this series when they faced Atlanta United. A game which because it was brought to a temporary halt due to torrential rain and that I couldn't be bothered to google the result afterwards meant that I didn't know the eventual result as my recording cut off. As it happens I now know that it was either a victory or a draw for Columbus. Given that the TV commentator informed us that they were unbeaten in all home matches this season.

Their opponents for this game was the New England Revolution. A team presumably with regard to their name inspired by that group of Bostonians unable to appreciate the best hot beverage.

They're managed by Brad Friedel who was a goalkeeper seemingly around since the Premier League  dawn of time. Tell you what though. He seems scarier now than he was then. The sort of person you wouldn't mess with in a bar (if I drank).

So the game begins. I immediately notice a tag line for an ad on the electronic billboard. It says "The Official Insurance Company of the Columbus Crew". Now when I've seen such ads I've always assumed it meant that it's the company the [insert team here] endorses. However what if , for example, Columbus has an unofficial insurance company? You know just to be on the safe side? Just a thought.

I should also mention here that Papa John's were still offering 50% off the price of a pizza the next day if the home team won. So I say again, how about giving that 50% to your hard-working (and I'm guessing mainly minimum waged) employees instead?

The main commentator asks his co-commentator "Duncan" for his "perspective on the first eight minutes". Well let's not bother with Duncan shall we? As a man who will always be a fan of football let me tell you it was one of those games of dullness with a few moments where suddenly I was jolted out of nodding off completely. Of course Duncan couldn't say that. But I can.

Let's chat about the commentator again. He says a player "went to school in the English coast". Where exactly? Blackpool? Great Yarmouth? Southend? I know England is not America size wise but it's still a country (though with Brexit just) not a state. He needs to be more specific. It's called geography.

There is also this thing with American TV overdoing the stats thing. I swear I heard the commentator say that "100% of the possession is on the short part of the field"....what? Santos is also second in the league for "dribbles attempted and completed"....again what?

There's an overhead kick and the New England keeper almost comes a cropper. In fact his name is Cody Cropper. You know there's something unnerving about an adult with alliterative names.

There are also two bookings in the first half. One for Mancienne that particularly annoys Brad Fridel. That referee's a brave guy.

Thankfully there arrives a goal for the Crew. A free kick effortlessly headed by Williams so that our friend Cropper could only admire the view as it goes into the net. It was so fast the goalie was rigid as if his feet had been cemented to the turf. To be fair for all their effort so was the New England defence.

One - nil then is how the first half finished.

I wish I could say the second half received as close attention as the first but I could feel myself nodding off. The game did nothing to help me stay awake either. In fact there was only one event that was worth mentioning. The sending off of Mancienne for his second bookable offence. A vicious sliding tackle.

After that moment I knew then it didn't matter whether I nodded off or not. The match was over.

And I was (for once) right.

Until the next time.