The Only Child Lonely Child Myth

Hello there. Hope you're feeling well today.

The latest book I'm reading from the library is The Unlikely Heroics Of Sam Holloway by Rhys Thomas. I won't speak a lot about this novel here. I've only just started it and so as the plot might alter my perceptions as I go along it won't be fair at this stage. However it has caught my eye on a general level by suggesting that as the eponymous Sam Holloway was an only child he was also lonely.

As an only child and a father of an only child let me say this. I'm not saying that that there are no lonely only children but there are also lonely children with brothers/siblings. I will argue though against the myth that an only child is a lonely child because they are an only child.

The thing about this myth is this, It confuses being alone with being lonely. Only children are used to being alone (in relation to being 24/7 with other kids). Because of this he/she develops other interests that they can do by themselves. Reading comes to mind. Books are probably my oldest friends.

Being the solitary child growing up you learn that it doesn't within the confines of your age mean solitary confinement. My daughter has friends and wants to eventually marry and have loads of children with Tom Holland (aka Spiderman) but she's of an age now where she understands the difference between being alone and being lonely. And that makes me happy.

There are other myths about only children as well. That they are selfish. Of course there are selfish only children, but again there are selfish children with brothers and sisters as well. Similarly the idea they are spoilt and impatient. Being an only child focuses the attention of others to you which larger families can hide more easily.

People will tell you that only children lack social skills and become "the loner" on thrillers planning to do [insert unspeakable act here] specifically because of being an only child? Not true. School is the unconscious teacher here. I've seen say ten year old children with siblings act as if they've only just learnt how to use the toilet. You know those stories of "loners" doing [insert unspeakable act here]. A lot of them had brothers/sisters. Genetics/life will make you the caricature of "the loner". Nothing else.

And I'm not saying that there are not issues that need to be addressed. I remember attending a parent's evening at daughter's primary school and her class teacher bemoaning the fact that her son (about four or five I think) was very possessive about toys when other children came to the house. Being an "expert" through experience I understood why and told her. You are used being a child to your things being one way. When another child comes in and messes things up it's upsetting. But you grow out of it. Life does that.

But still. The Only Child Syndrome needs to be addressed and called out for the fallacy it is. Kids grow up in a tougher world than I did as a child and these myths need to called out so that only children are not stigmatised by people who just don't know what it's like.

Until the next time.